Saisunee Jana, a Thai wheelchair fencer, is not only powerful in the paralympic sports scene but she is also one of strongest mothers we know. Her experience as a single mother is not uncommon, in other words, she is representative of the single mothers in Thailand. The only difference is that her motherhood comes with a physical disability.
Being a pregnant woman and a single mother with disability in a society oblivious of inclusive design tells us how much we think of motherhood and how the public space is designed.
“The doctor says that I’m already 40 years old so I shouldn’t have a child,” Saisunee says. But the objection also stems from the fact that she is a person with a disability. She, however, decided against all the odds and opposition, and finally became a mother.
Obstacles that come with being a mother with disability are multifold, “my morning sickness was severe until I was five months pregnant, I couldn’t go anywhere, couldn’t eat, I was exhausted and with my disability, everything was hard especially into those 7-9 month pregnancy. Even going to a department store is no easy task, in some places they have public toilets on every floor, but not every floor has accessible toilets. I was pregnant and had the constant need to use one. Even showering was hard, I had to shower on my wheelchair but I couldn’t move myself, others had to help,” Saisunee recounts. Fortunately, she had her partner, her sister, and her mother to help tackle everything step by step.
After she delivered her baby with C-section, her afterbirth experience tells us that raising a child does take a village and the current motherhood welfare is simply not enough. “After delivery, it was hard because of my disability. I went through it with a C-section and I couldn’t take care of myself considering the afterpain. My social security subsidised a little more than THB10,000 while the actual cost was around THB30,000 and they allowed me to stay at the hospital for only three days, but with my disability, I should’ve been allowed to stay a week since I just couldn’t do anything by myself. I was lucky enough to have my sister and mother there with me, without them it would’ve been really difficult.”
Before becoming a mother, Saisunee had always waded through life with strength. She took good care of her family members and put her younger sister through college. But just like any other Thai families whose parents come to work in the city and send their children back to stay with grandparents in rural areas, this was also Saisunee’s story. After her child was six months old, she sent her to stay with the grandmother and went back to work.
“I tried to feed my baby myself until she was six months old, after that I sent her to stay with my mother in the countryside. I guess this is just like 50% of the Thais who work in Bangkok. They all send their children to live with their grandparents. But my daughter is older now and I brought her back when she was three, when I was able to send her to kindergarten, but the grandmother still came up to stay with us. Now my daughter is eight years old, but I cannot stay with her every day since I have to go practice in another province,” Saisunee says.
“When I had to send her to stay with the grandmother, I was always in tears, I cried when I sent her there, cried when I came back. At the time there was no video call, I called her, heard her voice, and cried. I missed and was worried about her development. There was a time when she was sick and had to be hospitalised, I couldn’t go see her because I was in Bangkok. It was both tears and joy. But I understood it had to be that way,” says Saisunee.
When asked about parental leave, she accepts reality as it is,” but in an ideal world, everyone wants up to a year, or at least six-month leave.”
After a while, Saisunee and the father of her child went separate ways due to their different mindsets and age gap. Now she is fully responsible for all the childcare costs. Once again, her inner strength thrives, and she wades through it all. The most important thing, she says, is to create understanding, and to not transfer all the bad feelings to her daughter, so that the daughter understands that the shape and form of family does not matter. It is love that matters. “I try to empathise and not show the negative and violent emotions to my daughter, so that she understands,” Saisunee says.
Once she becomes a single mother, the role demands even more strength. In the past she had her partner to help in daily life and now she has to do everything herself, still, she has her sister who helps take care of her daughter on weekdays. On weekends, after coming back from practice, she tries to do everything herself, from getting her wheelchair on the car, driving her daughter to special lessons and going to get ice cream together. But even mundane things like finding a carpark, becomes an obstacle. “When I drive my daughter to special lessons, I cannot find an accessible parking slot since it is often taken by people who do not have disabilities. So it’s difficult to take my wheelchair out of the car, I have to try and have my daughter help. At first I cried because I was asking myself why she had to help me, but I changed my mindset that it’s alright, it’s just once a week, and it got better. Now my daughter and I can go by ourselves, she sometimes helps push my wheelchair and people often come up and compliment her.”
Saisunee admits that being a single mother is a difficult job, but she is happy even though she rarely gets a day off, she practises from Monday to Friday, and takes care of her daughter on weekends. She is fully committed to everything she does. “Family means understanding. Children aren’t going to act out if we sympathise with them, and we understand ourselves.”
When asked what policy change she would like to see, she says that she wishes there would be a law that provides and protects accessibility for people with disabilities and that a mother should be able to have at least 6-month leave to strengthen her bond with the child.
“I want the government to provide better welfare to mothers and children, for instance a monthly stipend. Now the social security provides THB600 per month and it’s just too little, it has to be at least THB2,000. Other mothers with disabilities without relatives struggle too, even with grabbing a taxi who often rejects us,” she says.
“It is a struggle, but I can get over it,” says Saisunee. She stands strong with the support of her family, her mother and sister who help her raise her child. But most importantly, it is the strength within her.