Jub is a woman in early 20s who grows up in a multigenerational home with her grandparents, her parents, and her older brother. Her aunt, uncle, and a cousin also used to live in the same house, but they moved out and still live nearby. For her, home is a community space shared among the family members, and taking care of a family member is a shared effort.
When her family members are asked to describe the meaning of family, love is the root of their definitions:
Jub: “Family can be either blood-related or chosen. Family are the people who love and accept us unconditionally and overcome obstacles in life together.“
Jub’s mother: “Family are the people bonded by love. Family is everything, a destination, a role, or even a problem. Family is pride, happiness, sorrow, family means everything.”
Jub’s father: “Family are the ones we love and support unconditionally.”
Jub says that her family are close-knit. Since she was young, raising her is a shared effort divided among family members. “It’s the whole effort by everyone since they all work in a family business except for my aunt and uncle. Wherever my parents went, I was tagged along, if they’re at the office then I’m at the office. Since I was weaned, at the age of four or five, I slept in the same room as my grandparents. I’ve just got my own bedroom during the Covid-19 pandemic. Back then when I stayed up late, my grandparents would call me to sleep, or in the morning they’d tell my parents that I went to sleep late. When I first had my own bedroom, they protested a little, but because of the pandemic and the risk, I’ve been sleeping in my own bedroom ever since.”
Living in an extended family, individuality is toned down, but one learns to share and spend time with family. “It’s like living in a miniscule community. We share the space in the house, when I was young we shared the television and I didn’t get to pick what to see. There’s a sense of compromise but it makes you learn to spend time with family. My family needs to dine together at least one meal a day and Sundays are always for family, everyone around me know this,” says Jub
When asked about her future family plan, Jub is fine with either single or extended family, “but it’s hard to picture a single family, I think that’s a bit lonely but it will depend on my life conditions whether I’ve got some dependents. I don’t only think about blood-related family, I told my friends if they’re single and old, you can come live with me. I like living with many people rather than few.”
Despite growing up in a Thai-Chinese household, her family is not too traditional, and she is lucky, even more than older brother in terms of education. “I’m more lucky than my older brother when it comes to education, I got to study in an English Program from a young age. My mum wanted me to have the best education. But there are these uncomfortable gender norms, which doesn’t mean they love me less. My grandparents don’t care much but my mum often comments on how I dress, where I stay at. The standard is vastly different between sons and daughters, the neatness, the hygiene, ways of life, or in being considerate of others. It’s really different.”
When compared to some other Thai-Chinese families, Jub’s family treats men and women the same way. Jub mentions that fairness starts from her great-grandfather. “In the old days, those Chinese men who came to do business in Thailand often had a wife in China, and another in Thailand. But my great-grandfather only had a wife in China. Other men in the family also never had an affair. My grandfather himself respected his children’s choices, he never forced them to do anything, he let them choose and supported them. He also divided the inheritance to every son and daughter, not only the eldest son. He always supports my education too. My grandparents are kind and say all the nice things. I’m actually my grandfather’s favourite, he’s a fair person.”
And Jub was raised to be close with her parents and be completely herself, “my mum is like those Asian Tiger Moms, she shows tough love, I just have to learn to recognise the signs that she loves me so. She sacrifices so many things for her children, her career for one. She still wakes up early to cook me breakfast every day. My father treats me like a friend so I challenge him a lot. He says that it takes lots of brain work to raise me because I like to argue, but when I say anything he listens and tries to change his mindset. He loves the fact that I think for myself.”
For Jub, even though she loves children, that is not enough of a reason to have a child. “I love children, but if I were to have my own, I need to be financially stable. I’m not saying that only those with the means should have kids, but you need a lot of money to raise kids. If Thailand still cannot provide quality education, you’ll need the money to buy one. And you’ll still need to have a good quality of life for yourself and your children. Another thing is mental maturity. If I were to have children, I need at least two. I have friends who are only children and they seem lonely. It’s also a burden on the child to take care of both parents on their own. This means that I need to have at least two children, and I will have to be on the same ground as my partner to decide this too.”
Jub does not think that the younger generations do not want children, but they decided not to due to unstable social conditions. “As far as I’ve discussed with my friends, it is more about socioeconomic conditions. The younger generations seem to think that without a guaranteed quality of life, it is better not to have children at all. I want to see the future where the government can take care of citizens from birth to death. We do not live in this world thinking only about ourselves, we think about how our parents are going to live once they grow old, especially those parents who are not civil servants on pension. This is not about familial duty but we are family, and once we are a family, we wish them happiness and wellbeing all their lives. If I have children, it means there are three generations I need to worry about: myself, my parents, and my kids. We cannot choose not to have parents, but we can choose not to have children. So if the government can guarantee a quality of life, more people might want to have children,” says Jub.